“You never fail until you stop trying”Albert Einstein
Yes, I’ve been away too long and I fell back on my goal to write a post a month (I was so close!). Alas, I’m hoping to cram in what I’ve been up to during the last two months of 2021. But first, it’s a little terrifying to realize that just like that, another year is about to end and a new one is on the horizon.
This post will NOT be about what I hope for the New Year because at 37, I’ve (almost) made peace with the fact that many things don’t turn out as you plan them. There is a better chance of you realizing your goals if you just do them instead of talking about them and how great your life will be once you achieve them.
In November, I wrote another 50,000 words during National Novel Writing month (NANOWRIMO) (the main reason why I didn’t blog for that month). To date, I have over 100,000 words of the book done but it is nowhere near finished and will be undergoing a lot of changes (as soon as I can figure out what those changes need to be).
This year’s NANOWRIMO was far tougher than last year’s, due to my schedule. I found myself with less time to write during the evening, struggling to get my daily word counts in.
Coming home to write after a long day is not easy. But after one particular night my first week when I had a mini meltdown and had to skip writing for the night, I got back into it and persevered for the rest of the month.
Ironically enough, skipping one night was what kept me going for the rest of the month, although I did find myself spacing out a lot from exhaustion. While hunkering down to reach a goal is important, sometimes you need to stop and recalibrate.
Plowing ahead can only make things worse if you are overwhelmed; I once again learned to take it day by day, one sentence at a time. This month, I took a much needed writing break, which has helped me think of some options for where to take my book.
I’ve also been doing some serious personal development with the help of my life coach (which I started a year ago, love you Christina!) and it has not been pretty. Bottom line: diving deep into who you are and leaning into it to become a better version of yourself isn’t as glamorous as many people make it out to be.
It requires accountability for your own behavior and attitude no matter how many bad hands you’ve been dealt in life or how many people have hurt you. You have to come to terms with the truth of your shortcomings and mistakes and there is no fanfare and confetti.
You still have days that you feel like crap. You wonder why you even started in the first place. Most of the time, your feet will feel glued to the ground and you’ll think you are immobile. To feel as if you are stuck in the same place can be discouraging. The difference now is that I know I can stop for a day or two, to recalibrate and build up the energy needed to keep moving (aha, like writing!).
And I allow myself to feel defeated; facing how you feel, not matter how difficult, is the key to turning everything around. I no longer want to ‘fake it until I make it’; it doesn’t work because being fake is not a good look and just doesn’t feel right. Once you give yourself room to be real, you keep going.
To sum up my 2021: keep moving but stop to rest, not quit. That little nugget helped me get through these last 12 months and I am proud of myself. I am not the same person I was in January 2021, even though it doesn’t feel like it sometimes. I’m ready and looking forward to much more. Happy New Year!