I think I’ve figured out why I don’t put in as much as I probably can in my creative writing – it’s the fear of success as much as failure.
Anyone who spends days, months, and years on the arduous task of writing, reading, and editing over and over again is no doubt looking to get published. But for me, it is absolutely terrifying to pin all of my hopes on being published for the temporary high of success it can lead to, to then have to start over again and maintain that success with a new story or book.
What if it isn’t as well received as the first breakthrough? Or will it really matter that you published a best-seller if your health declines all of a sudden? That begs the question-why do we write?
Is it because we don’t feel heard? Is it something to cross of the bucket list? Do we want fame and adulation? What will fame and adulation as well as hard work and dedication mean for a work of art that won’t follow us to the grave?
Most of all, does being published make me a great person, a smart person, a worthy person? If I can’t communicate effectively in real life, have meaningful connections, and acknowledge being part of the world at large vs. being the world at large that needs to validate her own grandiosity, what will being published fulfill for me?
Is it really worth it? If so, why? I would love to hear your perspective, feel free to reply below!